Dear Mother Nature,

As a Minnesotan I realized something about cultural identity while you were dumping 10.3″ of snow on me the other day–You’re hosed.

Now I’m sure this applies to the rest of my northern American brethren, but we Minnesotans are known to be hearty, fun-loving, outdoorsy, family oriented, passive aggressive folk…

…Isn’t that special?

Up here we get the full force of each of your four seasons from bitter cold winters to sticky, humid summers. So your bi-polar weather is something that weighs heavily on our minds and conversations.

Now I know you’re trying hard not to deviate from the normal ups and downs amid all this climate change. For a force that is already pretty hot and cold, I can’t imagine having to deal with that.

The truth is we’ve come to expect your wild fluctuations, but one thing stays constant. We pride ourselves for being able to survive, thrive and have fun in the snow. Sure we’ll complain that it’s too much snow or too little; too wet or too fluffy; too early or too late, but we’re more than thrilled meeting someone from somewhere else with the audacity to ask, “Why would you ever live there?” and think to ourselves, “Panzy.”

We like… no we enjoy winning the “we’ve-got-it-worse” argument. And that’s who we are.

When you don’t snow, however, we lose that. We lose the fun, we lose whining, we don’t have it worse, and that takes something away from each of us.

So you see, when you don’t give us the crappy commutes and school closings, the sledding with the kids and making snow angels… we’re not happy. It’s just not us.

Of course, when you do, it sure sucks shoveling the driveway. But I’m not upset.

See? Either way you’re hosed.

Sincerely,
Paul

P.S. Please try to keep the lakes frozen for the Polar Plunge this year. I jump on March 12, and I need a reason for people to…

PLEDGE!

P.P.S. THANK YOU KAT FOR YOUR PLEDGE!!